i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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