If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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