the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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