if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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