: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just googled if crying burns calories
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
