I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
