Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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