He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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