Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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