Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
