i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
