Tell her she can't have a vagina
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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