3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
