He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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