I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
