Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
