I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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