I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
