i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
