someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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