Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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