I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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