i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
