fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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