Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
