Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
