dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
