Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's official drugs can't kill me
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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