I murdered the dance floor call the cops
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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