so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
