At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
