I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We don't watch enough power rangers
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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