Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
