You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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