well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
