i think my mom watched the whole time
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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