guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize