So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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