We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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