I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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