I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
50% drunk capacity currently
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
