I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize