I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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