Do you still have your period?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
