I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize