I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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