I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She said her name was "party"
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just had sex bonerless
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
