My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have aggressive nipples.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
