this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just found puke in my bra..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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