Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
