i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
