Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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