absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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