New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
