Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
