You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
