barbara walters just said penis...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
