God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
