how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
