sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i out mim tonsoeep
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