she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize