Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
