I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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