I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
