Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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